Five finds of the fortnight: Edition 43
4 key ideas to help you redefine your relationship with your feelings 😀😟😡
For me, the first few weeks of 2023 have been about pausing, and clarifying what I want to do with my work and my offerings in the coming year. I’ll share more on this, and some offerings in the next few editions. Stay tuned!
How has 2023 been for you so far? What have you been doing at the beginning of this year?
If you’re someone who’s signed up for this newsletter recently, here’s a bit about me:
My name is Ranjitha Jeurkar and I’m a Certified Trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication. I work with groups and individuals, helping them build skills for more self-awareness, empathy, effective and clear communication and conflict management.
In this newsletter, I bring you a roundup of resources, tips and news about upcoming learning events.
Beginning this edition, I’ll also bring you one quick learning tip on one of these topics.
What prompted you to sign up for this newsletter? What would you like to learn more about? Hit reply to share with me—I love hearing from you!
Want to work with me? Reply to this message so we can set up a time to speak.
With warm regards,
Quote of the fortnight
The reason why so many people react in their communication whether than respond is because they don't pause to regulate themselves first. Even something as simple as taking a deep breath, grabbing a drink of water or placing the phone down to walk away and return to it will allow for SPACE to appear between the words communicated and the emotions they brought up in you. When there can be a space then there is room for those emotions to be felt, accepted and validated before responding from an intentional place with a clear thought out reply VERSUS reacting to the uncomfortable emotions and using the other person as your unloading dock for them.
4 ideas to redefine your relationship with your feelings
Most of us have been taught a ‘positive-negative’ approach to our feelings.
The problem with this approach is that we tend to chase ‘positive’ feelings, and resist the negative ones.
Here are 4 principles from the Nonviolent Communication framework that can help you redefine your relationship with your feelings:
Feelings are feedback about needs. They are not complete information in and of themselves; they point towards something deeper.
Pleasant feelings tell us about needs met. Feelings like happiness, excitement, and joy indicate that something we are doing is working for us.
Unpleasant feelings indicate that some needs of ours aren’t being met. Anger, sadness, fear and other unpleasant feelings tell us that something’s not working.
When we can pay attention to our feelings, we can understand what matters to us in a particular situation—and we can move from reaction to response.
Seen this way, feelings become data points that allow us to look further into our needs. Instead of reacting, resisting or trying to change them, we can ask ourselves:
How am I feeling right now?
What need(s) is my feeling telling me about?
Knowing what my needs are, what would I like to do next?
When something goes wrong, we can be quick to look for whose fault it is—and unfortunately that
rarely works never works—it doesn’t lead to open, honest conversation, nor does it help us find ways to resolve the challenges we’re facing. Watch Brene Brown explain why in this short video (<5 min):
10 ways to have a better conversation
Tanmay Vora is someone I began following on social media about a year ago, and I like how he breaks down complex concept into easy-to-follow sketchnotes. Here’s his sketchnote of Celeste Headlee’s TED Talk, “10 ways to have a better conversation.”
Upcoming learning event
Living Bridges’ new course, Empowerment Therapy with Myra Walden and Bob Wentworth is a special program for coaches, counselors, therapists, social workers and anyone else who works one-on-one with individuals.
I’m particularly excited about this training program for several reasons:
It’s the first ever time this course is being offered in India
It’s a framework that brings together therapeutic practices and NVC—what a powerful combination!
The facilitators, Myra and Bob are senior trainers and have significant experience in creating spaces that are healing and empowering
And its a comprehensive first step towards being a certified practitioner of Empowerment Therapy
Watch Myra and Bob speak about the program in this video.
Reply to this email to know more about our sliding scale, scholarships and subsidised non-profit rates.